i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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