I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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