I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When are your genitals available?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
