Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
