mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
