I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
