Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
