Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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