I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
