i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
