you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
