just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
