if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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