im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
