You made me cry and you don't even care
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
