Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
