just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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