Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
