Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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