Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
