Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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