As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
