You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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