i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
