i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
