Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
