so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
