direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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