im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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