oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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