we have pet lesbian snakes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
