well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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