Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
