You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
