Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
