Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
