OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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