The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dick very happy bro
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
