Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
