He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
