And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
