I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
