Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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