When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
