Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
