brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
