Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
