if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
