Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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