my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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