Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
