think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
