Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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