Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
