You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
