my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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