I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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