I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
