its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
