I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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