I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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