i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
