i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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