I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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