Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
