she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
