i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
